Friday, January 17, 2014

Today's walk report: 011714

In 2004...

It was a really introspective walk. It was a beautiful walk. Why did 2004 come to mind? I'm not exactly sure, maybe because it's been 10 years and perhaps it was spiked by incidents of the day. Two things happened to me in 2004 and to dissect the reasons why they happened would take more discourse than anybody reading this would care to read. The idea of my even writing about it is also boring to me--besides I thought about it a lot on my walk and I already overflowed. Briefly though because I've brought it up. For the 1st epiphany in 2004 I was deep inside some creative processes, integrating some visual stuff with a story I had in my head. I decided something. I confirmed something important. I said that I was an artist. I accepted myself as an artist, this was something I had always denied. What kind of artist exactly was a little fuzzy. It still is. Perhaps that I was a master of digital noodling. Nevertheless I saw that I had the sensibility of an artist and I made this affirmation. Thinking artistically for years and my examination of the artistic tools I had chosen to use, that I had chosen to bring to others, and understand, had evolved me into an artist. I also saw my life flash in front of me in a way with the realization that part of me was an artist for a very long time, back into childhood, but it struggled to surface because I spent too much time comparing myself to others.

Which brings me to this other thing that happened to me in 2004. I realized I was in the moment which was now and in this moment, I loved myself for who I was. This had nothing to do with not having faults but was my excepting those too, right there and then just as right here and now. I believed was and am a good person and that I love myself. Why did it take me 48 years? I'm still working on that. Certainly a big part of it was not really knowing that I didn't love myself. A lot of it was simply being young and all of the illusions that go along with youth. Sobriety in November 2000 played a major role too. I was sober for 5 years before that. That's another thing, being sober and thinking sober are two different projects-- it took a second look and several years before some of the alcoholic clutter went away. There's a bunch of baggage that could and did get in the way of... The life which is unexamined is not worth living. -- Socrates.

This is my walk report and that is what it was. Plus, the music I was listening to was speaking to me. I don't generally focus on the lyrics of music especially on my walks but lyrics were coming through like everything had been re-mixed especially for this day. One of the 2 albums I listened to was a band called Sylvan out of Germany and even though the words are in English I hardly ever understand the guy through his thick accent. But not today, it was loud and clear (eh, most of it.)

In the garden. A usual suspect. There are two Anna's hummingbirds, I confirmed that today but I can't seem to get a good look at the other one because this guy always chases it off. Here's a quick turn of the head. These two shots were taken in the same second.

We played a little game. This bird has two favorite spots. Below is the other one. It's directly across a path that leads into the garden. Whenever he would get perturbed by my presence at the Cesalpinia pulcherrina you see above he moved over about 12 meters to here. I usually couldn't find him but all I had to do was to walk over there and once I went back to the Cesalpinia he was there.

The butt shots might have been okay had I not been experimenting with the new flash.

A better flash setting and the closest I was able to sneak up, back on the other side of the path.

My buddy "Big red" waiting on the sunset a little far off at 22 meters. Which reminds me I need to check the diopter on my camera because I wasn't seeing focus properly through the viewfinder. I think this happens when you get older and it's possible I moved the dial inadvertently. I wear the camera at my right hip while I'm walking and sometimes I have to hold it down because I'm moving briskly. I don't think I pay much attention to where my fingers are.

 The Prairie falcon also awaits sunset.

End of another day.

To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment. -- Emerson.

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