Wednesday, July 24, 2013

The missing walk report: 072313

The absent report.

There was one "no walk report" since I began this particular incarnation of posting something, somewhere regarding my daily constitutional. If you missed how this nonsense ever started that was addressed here on 041913, which was also the starting date of putting this flavor of banter up on my blog. The whole idea behind this blog is mentioned here in my 1st entry, basically stemming from my vacillating disdain-acceptance relationship with Facebook. The overseeing concept of having a blog before there was any inclination whatsoever to apply a concept, a purpose, or any real reason for this particular adopted method of wasting time? I was merely struck by a title, The Odd Sock, while sorting two dresser drawers containing, for the most part, a good 20 year collection of socks. It was the sheer abundance of odd socks accumulated that got me started in somehow seeing that having some deeper relationship to my life. There's a certain sarcasm in this statement you'd probably understand if you knew me.

Yesterday there was no entry. Not even a "no walk report." Yesterday there was actually a walk too. However, yesterday morning began quite early for me. Despite planning and going to bed at "a decent hour" for a 5 A.M. rise, nervous anticipation for the events of 072313, events I had often pondered over the 4 months before their arrival, took their toll on my sleep and seemed to startle me into clock checking anxiety throughout the night. Yesterday I had to go to court for my 1st probate hearing. Downtown Los Angeles. I just wrote an e-mail to a friend who's been a blessing in getting over some of the humps I'm having in this process, "I can't even begin to tell you how alone and overwhelmed I felt in that courtroom yesterday. NOBODY was without representation and there's a general assumption in the air that presumes YOU know wtf is going on." Without getting into details, suffice it to say, it didn't go nearly as well as I would have hoped it would. Without getting into the full depth of emotions that accompany this task I'll leave it at... this all comes about because I lost my mother just 20 weeks ago yesterday. The combination of being in pro per and having an emotional connection is rather arduous.

The list of "to do" items of the courtroom episode is fortunately short however I found two of them to be perhaps ridiculously monumental. At times I get funneled into a black hole when I have to deal with something that either somebody didn't make sure they had dealt with properly before it got in my hands and fixing a legal issue that's over 30 years in the past happens to qualify or when I feel somebody has thrown a wrench into the mix. I look for a quick fix. I look for therapy. Which brings me to my walk yesterday.

The walk wasn't going to happen, that's what I told myself from early in the afternoon but I decided something based on one very simple thing. I was hungry and I didn't feel like preparing or eating anything in the house. What I really felt like was doing something I almost never do and that was to console myself with food and out of simplicity but also for deliciousness what popped into my head was Animal Fries from In-N-Out Burger. I was looking for non-nutritious decadence. Close by.

A mere 1.85 km from front door to the walk-up window. So that's what I did, I grabbed my canvas tote bag, went for a Double-Double with onions and an order of fries animal style and walked back home with my grub.

On the way home with about .7 km to go something amazing happened. I suddenly felt the burden of the day lift from my body. Both mentally and physically, I kid you not, it was as if there were a magnetic pulling right up from my shoulders and my head and the day's ugliness leaving my body. Just before this happened I rather inexplicably ran, not jogged, for about 150 meters. Shake those fries. I don't run very often. At 57 my body just doesn't seem geared for running anymore but ran I did. Run, Eric, run... my head called out to me.

I often think how I'd be doomed without walking. Walking was over a 50% contributor in my losing some 80 lb (36.28 kg) about 4 years back. Walking alleviates backaches and many other pains (not foot pain-nope) all the time but most importantly it lifts my spirit. How could I have possibly considered dealing with a shit day by not going for a walk?

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