Sunday, December 22, 2013

Today's walk report: 122213

Almost a "no walk" report.

But I did it. I thought, just walk a few blocks and see how it feels. For the most part it felt great and as usual it cleared my head some. Today was shopping at CostCo asap (they open 10 AM, I was in the door at 10:10) and come home for house cleaning. Serious cleaning and some yard work to boot. So that took its toll on my back and other parts. Then there was the TFL issue from yesterday. That hurt like a son of a motherless goat. I didn't want a repeat of that today so despite giving myself about 8 minutes a side with the Morfam massager I wasn't too sure it wasn't going flare up again. It took about 500 meters yesterday to start feeling pain. Going up the one decent hill I took which runs 320 meters I actually sped up, wanting to end the agony. I've said this before--more agony over less time seems to work for me.

Anyway, after close to an hour of saying no walk I grabbed my iPod and headed out the door. I walked to the garden and back which is slightly over 4km roundtrip. I could feel my TFL muscles wanting to bitch but I did OK.

This little late lunch I'm doing on the 24th. It's a family tradition. We always had a smörgåsbord on Christmas eve here growing up. Well always... I don't quite remember what they were before my dad was killed 2 months before my 5th birthday. What I think I remember could be fused between then and later Christmases but certainly the tradition started with my dad and my father's side of the family because that's where the Swede in me comes from. I also see this now after having connected with some family from my father's side via Facebook. They are doing the very same thing and shopping for the same scrumptious traditional eats and it's not at all a surprise. My mom once said to me that connections with my dad's side of the family were hard after my father was tragically killed in an auto accident. I even found letters written to my dad's family by my mom from years gone past but obviously they were never sent. I found a letter written for the 1st Christmas without my dad, never finished. I could see it was too hard for her to write. It was hard enough for me to read it. I understand this, in fact I understand it more now than ever. When my father died a big part of my mom was lost and never recovered.

In more recent years my sister continued the smörgåsbord tradition. Although last year festivities were here due to my mother's failing health and stamina. This is my 1st Christmas without my mom. Grief is an appropriate word to convey my feelings. I've found myself dealing with this by gradually taking special memories and sort of putting them on a shelf along side my grief to put that grief in its place. Here you go Mr. G I want you to sit next to some of the happiness from my childhood and adolescence and recalibrate. I'm going to take you down notch by notch. You've spent more than your fair share of time in this house and now it's time for you to take a second chair.

This is part of the reason I'm making a big deal out of cleaning and cooking and rekindling a sense of a personal and family connection for the day after tomorrow. Only a few people are coming over, my son, his love and a good old friend of some 40+ years. I don't believe in ghosts or an afterlife but I believe strongly in the here and now, friends, family and positive energy moving from the past into the present and overriding pain and ugliness from the darker side of life. We all see enough darkness. Turn on the light inside you whenever you can and share it with others even if it's only through a smile in passing.

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