Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Today's walk report: 051413

Hey, jerk off!!!

I don't have any clear idea on what I'm about to write but here goes...

I was thinking, among many unrelated topics on my walk today, that often--not always and certainly not today--my walks are a lot like masturbation. Since this month (May) has been declared, National Masturbation Month (NMM) by some people who like to declare stuff like that I thought, why not write about this connection. Besides, I've got nothing else.

Some people who know me know I have a degree in Psychology but very few people who know me actually know what I focused my attention on to get my degree. I entered into a double major in college for a 2nd, minor degree, in Philosophy but that may have gotten lost somewhere. The fact was, once I got out of school I was only relieved it was over. Anyway, as a Senior in Psych., we had to declare am emphasis to get our degree. I went to two of the department heads and said, I want to make my emphasis human sexuality and psychopharmacology. That's right, sex and drugs and I dabbled in a bunch of rock and roll on the side. This was during the 70s, they were fine with this. However--I was told specifically by the hippest, wildest of professors at my university that, "we're not going to let this be easy for you." It was pretty easy though because I wrote some dynamite papers and I was able to adapt well to a certain amount of chemistry and neurobiology. I had also taken care of neurology 101 and biology during my freshman year at a different school and I was interested. Besides, there was a fascinating amount of research going on between these two disciplines at the time.

Why am I pointing this out? I really have no idea (this is a stream of babble post--yet you're still here) but I figure if I throw in some academic credentials because it simply appears to me that when most people mention the word masturbation they point toward some sort of expertise in that area. Fact is, I can remember having masturbated from as early as 5 years of age and at 57, I think that makes me an expert. Imagine this had been the violin or piano and not penis.

Alright, so here's what I've learned. Masturbating is easy, fun and very healthy. I was looking for a video to put here of Frank Zappa on the subject but I can't find the right one. He says basically the same thing and that is, masturbation takes a whole load of stuff off a person and can really make your day go a lot smoother once it's out of the way. Sexual anxiety, frustration, stress, obsession, tension... it goes on. My walks work very much the same way. It's a huge release (as long as my feet don't hurt) and it releases me both into physical and mental relaxation. It allows me to work on a lot of other things I think are important. I focus better on creative tasks and I enjoy stuff like music and film to a much higher degree than I may have without a rigorous walk. In addition, like masturbating, just about anybody can do it. Take it at your own pace and you'll get better at it.

Finally, in closing I think besides my hearing it was NMM--this apparently started in 1995 by the way--I have especially felt a lot of tension and hostility from people over the past several days. There are a lot of people who need to knock one off and take a few laps around the block out there.

Louis C.K. on masturbation.
In absense of the video I was looking for, there's this. You can fill in the beeps, you're smart. Why the word masturbation was beeped is beyond me but it was.

Oh and the reason I didn't orgasm on my walk today was due to a 3rd and I think final test of these shoes. Sorry NB, I'm a Nike guy.

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